There is a crucial piece to Thanksgiving prep, without which, it would be just another meal with a bunch of loons. After all, “Turkey Day” without turkey is just “Day”. Get the turkey right, and people will quickly forget about lumpy mashed potatoes and spoons set to the left of the butter knives.
We had a pretty good idea about what criteria our bird would meet: Big, fresh, organic and the bird had to have a loving relationship with the farmer. Well, three out of four ain’t bad. I thought we’d just place an order at Whole Paycheck, I mean, Whole Foods, and we’ll pick it up a couple days before Thanksgiving. Easy. Done. Let’s think about mashed potatoes.
Wait a minute.
My roommate has an idea that may or may not involve lanterns, a steeple and a midnight ride through town. He plays soccer with a guy that works at Whole Foods, and he can get an employee discount on a turkey. Against my better judgment, I decided to let him handle the turkey procurement. This is the same guy who would eat sandwiches every day for an entire year if it meant he didn’t have to cook. Gulp.
As it turns out, our inside man at Whole Paycheck picked up the turkey for us on Tuesday and planned to deliver it to our house when he finished his shift that same night. Wait, make that Wednesday morning since his shift ended late.
Alright, we had no idea when we would get the turkey, and furthermore, we were crossing our fingers hoping that it wouldn’t be frozen. At 2pm on Wednesday we received news that the bird would be delivered at 5pm. Fresh. Not frozen. We think.
After several weeks of clandestine operations to arrange a turkey for cash exchange that doesn’t jeopardize anyone’s job, Joe the Turkey is finally resting in a cooler in our basement. We’re not worried that it’s a full day and a half late, nor are we worried that we had to go pick it up ourselves. We’re not even sure if our friend’s generosity saved us any money. The jury’s still out on whether it was worth the risk by delegating, but we seem to be in the clear. Nothing could go wrong now.